The people around you are either propelling you toward your potential — or quietly pulling you away from it. Most people never stop to honestly examine which is which, and that single blind spot can cost them years of real progress.

This is not just motivational theory. It is Key 4 of my Keys to an Amazing Mindset — because the right relationships, approached with the right thinking, can change everything. And the wrong ones, tolerated without intention, can keep you stuck in ways you may not even recognize.

One of the consequences of my disability is that I depend on others far more than most people do. That reality could have easily turned into bitterness. I could have spent my life looking at the world and asking why it gets to move freely while I cannot.

I chose the opposite path. That dependence became one of my greatest teachers. It showed me — earlier and more clearly than most — that the people in your life are not a burden on your journey. They are the journey. I have deep reverence and love for the people around me, because I know that without them I could accomplish almost nothing. And that realization did not weaken me. It gave me a framework for building relationships with intention, clarity, and mutual benefit.

The Collaboration Mindset
Here is the shift that changes everything: every relationship you have should be viewed as a collaboration. A collaboration is simply two or more people coming together to achieve a goal — and the ideal collaboration creates an environment where both parties get more than they put in. Think about a couple building a family, a business team executing a major project, a sports team competing for a championship, or even a group of friends meeting for happy hour. Every one of those is a collaboration. Every member should bring their ideas, skills, energy, expertise, and presence in service of mutually beneficial goals.

The problem is that most people do not think this way. Many are so focused on their own challenges that they view others as stepping stones — something to be used rather than partnered with. That approach does not just damage relationships. It limits results.

The Three Elements of Every Successful Relationship
For any relationship to work, three elements need to function together. Think of them as the operating system of every meaningful connection.

Element 1: Make Sure Your Needs and Wants Are Being Met
Every relationship comes with expectations. Whether it is a business goal, a romantic partnership, or a close friendship, you need to understand what you are seeking and communicate it clearly. That means setting expectations and boundaries — and enforcing them consistently. Many people push boundaries to see what they can get away with, which means clarity on your end is not optional. It is essential.

Element 2: Make Sure Others Get What They Need
The people in your life are not a resource to be depleted. Just like you, they are working toward their own goals, managing their own challenges, and trying to enjoy their lives. The more you actively help them do that, the more valuable you become. I am always looking for ways to help the people around me — even if it is just making someone smile. It gets me out of my own head and makes life richer for everyone involved.

Element 3: Communicate Openly and Honestly
What makes human connection so powerful is our ability to exchange ideas and express emotion — but that requires skill. My speaking partner Chris and I have accomplished a great deal together, and none of it would have happened without consistent, intentional communication. We exchange texts and emails multiple times a week. Years ago he asked me to send a weekly update. To this day, every Monday morning I send him an email with the subject line: Monday Update. When we meet in person, I come with an agenda and specific tasks that need to get done.

It was not always this way. I used to communicate in a passive-aggressive style — sending vague hints and expecting people to guess what I meant. I would sit in a meeting and say, "Wouldn't it be cool if we did this?" instead of bringing a concrete plan and asking for direct feedback.

In marketing, there is a concept called a call to action — at the end of every piece of content, you tell the audience exactly what to do next. The same principle applies to every conversation. When you want something to change, say it explicitly. Whether you are asking your kids to develop a specific skill, setting a boundary with your partner, or laying out next steps after a business meeting — give people clear direction. Do not make them guess.

Influence
Influence is one of the most powerful — and most misunderstood — elements of building relationships. The word has been cheapened by the social media era, where influence seems to mean nothing more than getting views. That is not what I am talking about.

Real influence is the ability to move people toward a specific thought or action. And here is something most people miss: we are not the independent thinkers we believe ourselves to be. All of us, at some level, look to others to understand how to think and behave. Whether you are leading a team, guiding a teenager, or asking someone on a date, you need to engage others to take action. That is influence.

And it runs in both directions. Part of growth is allowing yourself to be influenced — seeking out people who have ideas, strategies, and expertise that can accelerate your progress. Whether that is a business consultant, a fitness coach, or a designer who can help you transform a space, growth often requires the humility to say: someone else knows more than me here, and I want to access that knowledge.

Accept Others
We are all constantly making decisions about how the people in our lives fit into our world. And one of the most common mistakes people make is expecting others to fit exactly the way they want them to.

Maya Angelou famously said: when people show you who they are, believe them.

There is a natural emotional attachment to the people we care about. We root for them. We want them to be their best selves. But a dangerous assumption — one that causes enormous frustration — is believing that people always act in their own best interest. In reality, they often do not. And changing yourself is hard enough. Changing someone else, without their willingness, is nearly impossible.

We have to accept people as they are. Not who they are on their worst day, and not who they are on their best — but the full, consistent picture. If someone is consistently late, accept that. If someone regularly loses their temper, accept that. Once you accept reality, you can make clear-eyed decisions: you can try to reset the relationship and ask directly for what you need, or you can find someone else who is better positioned to meet that need. What does not work is continuing to expect people to think and behave in ways they have shown you they will not.

Advice, Feedback, and Encouragement
Three of the most powerful tools available in any relationship are advice, feedback, and encouragement. They can be given or received — and used intentionally, they can accelerate your progress more than almost anything else.

Getting an outside perspective is one of the most underrated steps you can take when working toward a goal. None of us has the bandwidth to know everything about every aspect of what we are building. I know marketing. I know how to publish a book. But I also know there are people who know more than me in certain areas — and my job is to find ways to access that knowledge and experience.

Advice
Advice is ideas and strategies that help you accomplish your goals and work through challenges. But it only works if you are actually willing to hear it. Too many people seek advice from others who share the same problems — which means they are really just looking for validation. If you complain about your boss, you want agreement, not a new approach. If you want advice to actually improve your life, you have to be willing to hear hard truths and implement new approaches, even when they are uncomfortable.

Feedback
Feedback is the analysis of what you did, used to improve your next step. A coach watching game film. A colleague reviewing a business plan. A mentor breaking down a conversation that did not go the way you hoped. All feedback is a form of advice — but it is specifically tied to actions you have already taken.

Encouragement
Sometimes you know exactly what you need to do, and you just need someone to give you that emotional push across the line. A person who believes in your ability to write a business plan, launch a creative project, or make a meaningful change — and says so — can be the difference between a goal that stays in your head and one that becomes reality.

Service
When people enter any relationship, they do so because — consciously or not — they want or need to get something out of it. That is not cynical. That is human nature.

The error most people make is only recognizing one side of that equation. They spend their energy thinking about what they can get from others without understanding what others need from them.

The late Zig Ziglar put it well: if you help people get what they want, they will do anything to help you get what you want. I agree with the sentiment — though it is wise to pair that generosity with clear boundaries and realistic expectations, because not everyone thinks that way.

There are six ways people can improve your life — and the same six are the ways you can improve theirs:
1. Fulfill a need. We all have basic needs that require support from others.
2. Fulfill a desire. Beyond needs, we have desires — and having someone help fulfill those builds powerful connections.
3. Help address a challenge. Life is full of challenges. Most are easier to navigate with the right person in your corner.
4. Provide entertainment. We all need to step away from the weight of daily life and experience something engaging and energizing.
5. Build community. As social beings, we need to belong to something bigger than ourselves — a space to exchange ideas and connect.
6. Enable transformation. For many people the status quo is not enough. They need help moving from one level to the next. The more you can facilitate that growth, the more essential you become.

Recruiting
One undervalued part of building strong relationships is recruiting — and it is exactly what it sounds like. Recruiting is the process of clearly defining the outcomes you want, the value you can offer in return, and then finding and engaging people who are the right fit for a mutually beneficial collaboration. This might mean finding a co-creator for a project, bringing on an employee who aligns with your vision, or — at its most basic — asking someone out on a first date.

Recruiting requires honest clarity on what you are looking for and what you bring to the table. And it requires a values filter. When I was interviewing a copywriter once, she told me I should never cite or quote other people — that it was a sign of weakness. That logic made no sense to me, and it signaled a fundamental values mismatch. Some conversations are not worth having. When it comes to ethics, integrity, and core professional principles, those are not negotiating points.

Building the Relationships That Move You Forward
Building strategic relationships is not about using people. It is not about networking for the sake of networking. It is about developing the vulnerability and the humility to let others into your life — and bringing enough intentionality to make sure those relationships actually work.

There is a meaningful difference between resenting that you need help and resenting the people who give it. I have lived that distinction. I have a genuine love for the people in my life, and a deep understanding that we are all navigating this thing called life together. The goal is not to find people who will carry you. It is to build something together that neither of you could have built alone.

That is what a strategic relationship looks like. And developing the mindset to build them consistently — that is Key 4 of the Keys to an Amazing Mindset.

What relationship in your life could benefit from a reset? Start there.